Last month, I learned you should not, under any circumstances, give your manuscript to just anyone to read.

I wouldn’t be a very good writer if I flat out rejected someone’s negative feedback—I truly believe that if I can glean as little as 1% of value from someone’s opinion, it was worth going through the experience. What I take issue with is how some people deliver feedback. And that’s what takes me back to the year I spent in Toastmasters under the tutelage of a man named Richard Ripley.

Richard is retired Army, he definitely voted for Trump, and teaches shooting classes at the local gun range. He always wears more or less the same thing: Cargo pants, a plaid shirt, a utility vest. I still remember the pounding in my heart when he approached the podium to hand me a single sheet of yellow legal pad paper, covered with notes on what I could improve on my inaugural speech.

It’s through Richard that I learned to give constructive feedback, understanding that how you say it is just as important as what you say.

So here’s my three-step process, whether I’m critiquing a writing piece or giving my thoughts on a project:

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1. Accentuate the positives

Yup, even if you’re like, “Wow, this sucks!” I once had to evaluate someone’s speech at a Toastmasters meeting that was awful—the speaker spent the entirety of his time reading from his cell phone, he was wandering the room with no rhyme or reason, and to this day, I can’t recall the content of his talk. Yet they assigned me to give him his evaluation. Thanks to Richard, I came up with: He was well-researched. Which he was! He obviously took the time to write it down in his iPhone notes; he just didn’t have time to practice it. Which leads me to the next point…

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2. Choose ONE thing that can be improved

This is your chance to positively affect somebody’s work, so make it count. Point out one thing that could have used a little more preparation or thought. To get the person thinking about how to implement your suggestion, start by asking a question.

For example, if you’re critiquing someone’s manuscript, try saying things like:

• “Can you clarify this character’s motivation?
• “What were you thinking when you structured the narrative this way?”
• “Does this detail hinder or harm the progression of the story?”

Compare that to jarring statements like:

• “I don’t understand this character’s motivation.”
• “This structure is confusing and hard to follow.”
• “I don’t think this detail adds anything to the story.”

Always remember that people are looking for support, not for you to give them the solution. Even if they said things like, “Don’t hold back!”, that is not an invitation to unleash your hatred. As a critic, your job is to ask questions and seek to understand, not make assumptions about their intentions.

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3. End with what you liked best

Even if you delivered negative feedback in a kind and constructive manner, there’s still the off-chance that someone’s going to take it personal. Which is why you ALWAYS end with what you liked best. Your mileage and style may vary (Look at the list you made above in Step 1 and put an underline the point you’ll present last!), but I usually end with what emotions or feelings that resonated with me most throughout the piece or presentation; and tie it back to overarching themes or throughputs.

If you’ve managed others or been a stakeholder in a project, what are your tried-and-true tips for delivering feedback? And if you’ve been on the receiving end of feedback, what did you like and dislike about the person(s) providing it?

Hit the Reply button and let me know.

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Things I ❤️ for November

What I’m reading 📚: Daughters of the New Year by E.M. Tran. Take your time to bathe in the prose, because even 3/4 of the way, I’m still grappling for the thread that ties the plot together. Tran spends the chapters delving back into the matrilineal line of the Trung family, contrasting and comparing the problems they face across different historical points in time. As a Vietnamese woman with an American name and an advanced degree, I can (unfortunately) relate to Tran’s commentary about the inherent racism that can happen even within Vietnamese communities, with dialogue like:

What I’m streaming ⏯: Wanderer's Songs for the Night. I kept remarking to my husband, "Why does this sound so familiar?" and he later dug up that during the making of this album, musician Adam Simons was inspired by Michael Jackson, Fleetwood Mac, Tears for Fears (!), and Phil Collins (!!!) A perfect album for someone who loves 80s inspired indie pop as much as I do.

What I’m cooking 👩🏻‍🍳: This apple cake that isn’t much of a recipe, but more of a template for what you have on hand. My favorite tweaks include using all-purpose einkorn flour (Though I’ve made it with a gluten-free blend with good results too), coconut oil (for enhanced sweetness, but olive oil is good too), 1 1/2 cups sugar instead of 2, and swapping cranberries for raisins.

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Have a lovely Thanksgiving Reader,

Sophia :)